Good Advice Guru T-Shirts

"Son, just remember one thing. Never pee on the invisible fence."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

THE LANGUAGE OF PROM DRESSES

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

Library: Self-Help Books and Blame a 'Rigged' Political System.

'No no no - that skirt is soooo half past four...'

"That's... yikes. I mean... what's even going on down there? Honey, I don't think a push-up bra is very flattering on you."

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

"Baby, with your money and my money, we could really buy places."

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'Does this outfit make me look fat?'

Broccoli: Just Full of Surprises!

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

The girl with the sensible shoes.

'I guess it was a mistake to make them self-starting.'

"I knew you'd understand."

'Dude, you like, need to get your wallet chain in check!'

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

"That was classic me."

"Which free tote goes best?"

On the Hanger

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