Good Advice Guru Pillows

"Son, just remember one thing. Never pee on the invisible fence."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

It's about self-control. "'No Thyself".

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

THE LANGUAGE OF PROM DRESSES

A Meeting of Great Ties.

"That's... yikes. I mean... what's even going on down there? Honey, I don't think a push-up bra is very flattering on you."

Library: Self-Help Books and Blame a 'Rigged' Political System.

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

"Baby, with your money and my money, we could really buy places."

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

'No no no - that skirt is soooo half past four...'

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'Does this outfit make me look fat?'

Broccoli: Just Full of Surprises!

"I knew you'd understand."

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

'Dude, you like, need to get your wallet chain in check!'

The girl with the sensible shoes.

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

'I guess it was a mistake to make them self-starting.'

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

"That was classic me."

On the Hanger

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