Golfing Goofball Pillows

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

'I hope you replace your divots!'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Shoot For The Moon

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

"Honestly sometimes I'd like to pretend I don't know you!"

The Deaths take a selfie.

"The world revolves around my cat."

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

Hole in forty-seven.

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

I'm with stupid.

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

'Simendinger! Get back to your position and quit hassling the fans.'

Time-space portal

(Can't) Count Dracula.

'Now say cheese,no,not YOU!'

A Magician struggling to pull a rabbit out of a hat as a rabbit watches from the audience.

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."

'Well, Frank, I've told you a hundred times to tighten your neck bolts, but do you ever listen? Nooo!'

It's not legal advice, but when a judge says "guilty," I wouldn't keep replying, "I know you are, but what am I?"

'Do not even think about it, Ron!'

Turtle bumps turtle: 'WHIPLASH!'

"A backflip with a full twist, handspray pike and a three quarter roll will do nothing to further your cause Mr Laney."

'You told me to address the ball, so I did!'

Bomb disguised as football thrown onto the pitch.

'A remote controlled golf ball! Yes, of course!'

"Today's my dad's 90th birthday. I got him a cake. I used 90 candles to spell out 'Happy 90th Birthday from your goof-up son who can't ever do anything right. I organized the whole party. And what do you think of me, Pop?'...The candles flared up and burned his house down..."

Lizard running with football.

"That's not a divot so much as a major geological event."

'Too much to drink at lunch time.'

"Son, it's bad enough you goof off all day, but your socks don't match!"