Golf Instructor Gifts

"I'm sorry dear - I've lost the little ball down the little hole again."

'I'll look for the ball. You look for the club.'

'How sweet, he's smiling. He must be dreaming about me.'

'Don't be a fool, Kevin! How do you know that he's a certified teaching pro?'

"Oh no, it's gone in that silly little hole again."

'The pro said my swing was out of this world.'

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

Tired Woods

'Y'know what? Maybe we should eliminate your backswing altogether.'

I thought my knees would go first, but it was my money.

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

"Now might be a good time to talk about your grip."

For sale - Used only Once.

"I had you doing six in a five."

'I'm just curious. In what alternate universe did you expect that to go well?'

"Sir, I would recommend the putter for your tee shot."

Knight Golfing

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

'Your direction is good, now try for distance.'

Teaching Golf.

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'I don't think of myself as a caddie, I provide technical support for golfers.'

"One thing's for sure, nobody can fan a ball like you."

Club House. An eighty dollar green fee! -- I haven't even teed-off yet and I'm already in the hole!

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

'In tray.'

A sand trap is also called a "bunker." That makes no sense. A "bunker" is usually a place to avoid a disaster, not create one.

Stop Here for Review. Let's just say that we did a much better job of keeping score than you did.

"Hey, Stretch. Mind if we play through?"

'Don't move.'

'Remember I told you to keep them low.'

'I like to do business on the golf course Smithers - you're fired.'

'When I said 'slowly back'...'

"Well. First of all, your stance is a little wide."

Dan Quayle's Three Steps to a Better America