Golf Instructor Gifts

"I'm sorry dear - I've lost the little ball down the little hole again."

'I'll look for the ball. You look for the club.'

'Don't be a fool, Kevin! How do you know that he's a certified teaching pro?'

'How sweet, he's smiling. He must be dreaming about me.'

"Oh no, it's gone in that silly little hole again."

'The pro said my swing was out of this world.'

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

I thought my knees would go first, but it was my money.

'Y'know what? Maybe we should eliminate your backswing altogether.'

"I had you doing six in a five."

Knight Golfing

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

"One thing's for sure, nobody can fan a ball like you."

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

For sale - Used only Once.

'I'm just curious. In what alternate universe did you expect that to go well?'

"Sir, I would recommend the putter for your tee shot."

'Your direction is good, now try for distance.'

'I don't think of myself as a caddie, I provide technical support for golfers.'

Teaching Golf.

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."

Dan Quayle's Three Steps to a Better America

"Well. First of all, your stance is a little wide."

Jack's: clubs straightened, balls retrieved

"Hey, Stretch. Mind if we play through?"

"Well, that may not be the farthest drive I've ever seen...but t sure is the highest!"

'When I said 'slowly back'...'

'I like to do business on the golf course Smithers - you're fired.'

"You've just got a set of clubs for your husband? I'd call that a good exchange!"

'Do you know any other poses?'

'In tray.'

'Don't move.'

'Remember I told you to keep them low.'

'At least you won't lose so many balls.'