Golf Gifts

"I'm sorry dear - I've lost the little ball down the little hole again."

A Man's Thoughts

"Go with two-iron, Kemosabe - distance in desert not what it seems."

"I take it you didn't like my meatballs."

'Hmmm...I think I've figured out why you're slicing...'

'I'm sure it is comfortable. But you really should use a golf cart like the rest of us.'

'I'm your best friend, so I'll be honest with you--do yourself a favor and take up ping-pong.'

I trust you have planning permission! (Golfer in a bunker).

"Let me just tap this in, Greg, then you can putt out."

A Golfer's Funeral

'Tell me the truth,Rodney - you've moved the hole haven't you!'

"I'm counting that as a stroke for each time you went around."

"This putt is worth $75,000 - certainly more than enough for a decent suit of clothes, a haircut and a set of real golf clubs!"

How's my Driving?

Golfer playing in the snow

"I've decided to return to my first passion in life—selling drugs to kids."

Will sneak through the woods and throw your ball back into the fairway.

'I warned him. 'Don't text and drive' ... He wouldn't listen.'

'Yes Sir, you're absolutely right, you can never stop learning - in fact I'm on a course right now.'

'I'll look for the ball. You look for the club.'

'I'm giving you 10,000 free golf balls with my company's logo on them. Since you'll lose every one of them, it'll be good advertising.'

"I asked for a sand wedge!"

'Move! You're blocking the TV.'

Roman Golfer.

'When he started this shot, that wasn't a sand trap... it was just a divot.'

Santa Playing Golf.

Very busy at Indian call centre. Laid-back in UK office. Man asks: 'Could we outsource tea-making?'

'Hole in one!!!!'

'OK, be the ball, be the ball, be the ball'

Danger! Litigators, retrieve golf balls at your own risk.

"Call it a hunch...but I don't think he feels too confident."

'It is a work related injury. I walked into my boss' office and took a flyer on his gold ball.'

The solar system is replaced by sports balls.

'Kinda bumpy eh? We must be in the rough!'

'I've been sitting on it for days and days and nothing happens!'