Golfing Gifts

"Slicey, Trappy, Bogey, Toppy, Mulligan, Hooky, Threeputty

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

Silence on the golf course.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"And if the golf area of the brain was somehow destroyed, there might be a little something extra in it for you."

'I'll be back later, Marge. I'm going out to build some humility.'

'Congratulations! You broke two hundred!'

'Yeah, maybe the course is still a little too wet to play on!'

'No, they're not a bribe, Inspector. They just don't fit me.'

'To control his blood pressure, his doctor said he needs to take his medication, watch his diet and improve his golf game.'

'How sweet, he's smiling. He must be dreaming about me.'

Surgical Ward- Please Replace Divots

'He's trying to figure out a way to miss this putt so his boss can win the match.'

Bob's driving you crazy range.

"...which do you think would help me more in my career...?"

Who Designed This Course?

'I hear you lost your job as a caddie.'

'D'ya wanna wait until it thaws to see if it drops in the hole.'

"Rule number one, never laugh!"

'Why don't you just pick the golfball and take the penalty!'

News Item: Hot weather dehydration can cause loss of memory.

'This hole is real deceptive. It's wide and straight and not much of a challenge -- until you get up near that pack of pit bulls.'

'The executive mind' (thinking about golf).

Think positive thoughts - 'Out of bounds on the right...water on the left...I'll probably shank it!'

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

"How 'bout them brakes, huh?"

"At least I'm prepared!"

'Are you telling me you wouldn't like to golf when you're out in the fields.'

'I'm sorry, Mr Jones has just stepped away from his desk'

Andrew is fooled for a second week in a row.

'Dinna play golf in your kilt.'

'Yeah, I invest strictly for the long haul - unless, of course, the market turns down.'

'He drives for show and cheats for dough!'

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

"Well, kids, mom and I finally bought a condo on a golf course!"