Goldfish Fanatics T-Shirts

"Yep, that's water retention."

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"He was a sea rescue."

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'Next!'

Fishing Boat Derby

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

Al puts tiny diapers on his fish.

'So what have you been up to?'

'So, that's where the blue water comes from!'

Taking goldfish for a walk.

"I think we are overfeeding the fish!"

'Usually when a man promises me a fish dinner, I naturally assume it will be at a nice restaurant.'

Tartar sauce.

"We have to get out of here! They're saying boil ALL water!"

'The 79 cent fish ate the $2.50 fish - shall I charge him $3.29 for it now?'

'Do you make fish cakes? It's his birthday!'

"So that's why they are called Perch!"

They were a prehistoric tribe that worshipped a fish deity. Ich-theology.

Fish school toilet protocol.

"Trepanning for gold"

One of a kind.

'I'm a freshwater fish in a saltwater world...'

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

Cod Psychologists.

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

"It's been over for a while now. I caught him trying to fertilize some catfish eggs in June."

'My ultimate ambition is a large pond.'

"You should have seen how excited I made a couple of oceanographers today."

'My goldfish died. I over-watered him.'

"Where do you see yourself in five years."

'I think I'll let Goldie do a few lengths in the bath before I get in.'

"I don't know how to tell you this, Honey, so I'm going to come right out and say it. ... Your goldfish ran away."

"Take the goldfish. If it's still alive in six months, call us for another interview."