Gold Gifts

'What's gold doing now'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

The Unhappy King

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

The Royal Wii

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

'What makes you think we have a radiation leak?'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

"Bang!"

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

International Monetary Conference in Paris- Silver Currency an Unsound Footing

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

'It's just until the election is over, but I'm replacing you with Dick Morris.'

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'