Going Out To Eat Pillows

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"This place has the best happy hour."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Your French dip, sir.'

'A cheeky red?'

The Fourth Little Pig

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Fast food. Even faster food

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."