Eating Out Pillows

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

"The knuckle sandwich looks good."

'Great to see you are a fully integrated immigrant to our culture.'

Restaurant - Free lunch!* *plus $29.95 service charge for shipping and handling.

'What'll it be - one large risk or several small ones?'

Pizza with 'Made in China' imprinted on it.

'You asked for a little salsa.'

'Now, what's Italian for pizza?'

"It's a good idea to tip first. That way I know what level of service you expect."

Not in Service

'Sorry, smile's off...'

"Try the fish. It's brain food"

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

'I envy your metabolism.'

"I'm searching for a happy medium between sitting on a mountain top and eating cheese fries."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Opting for Chinese food for lunch, the law partners decide in principle to share their dishes and, accordingly, before ordering, negotiate a comprehensive pre-victual agreement.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

A menu with risks and benefits

'Your table will be ready shortly.'

"Just the steak for me and my friend will have the carbon dioxide and the water with the sunlight."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"I'm not quite ready to order. My lawyers are still studying the menu."

Market research dept: '67% out to lunch.'

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'By pushing us halfway, we save money on gas. That way we'll have enough money to eat out.'

'The customer is always right...'

'There are no prices listed, Sir, because the prices keep going up and up.'

'Were you trying to attract my attention, Sir?'

"With any entrée, you get unlimited access to the trough."

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

Your Tip So Far

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"