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"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

'What's your favourite meal?' 'Seconds.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

Join me for dinner?

Haute Chinese

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'It's an acquired taste!'

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"