Global Market Ponderer Gifts

'My job security hinges on the fact that I work cheaper than someone overseas.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

'At least I don't have his life.'

Farewell Donald

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'It's nice but will it be a hedge against inflation.'

Have you seen my money?

Trumped

Planetary Science. What do we call the study of gas giants in space? Gastronomy.

"Apparently, over two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water!"

Formula.

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Earth, Venus, Mars … Mercury … Um, Pluto? Charon? No, Pluto … or Eris? Ugh …

Quiz

"You're right! It is much easier to explain it this way!"

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'You have to admire the way Hartley overcame his honesty and integrity to get to the top.'

"Forget keeping all your eggs in one basket. What you need is a nest egg..."

Common stock, Preferred stock, Private stock.

Wall Street walking traffic sign flashes 'Worry' and 'Don't Worry.'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'Jeeves...Jeeves...'

'Ms. Booth, your portfolio is full of sound and fury signifying zero returns.'

Jupid/Jupiter/Jupidest

How moons are born...

"Why does my investment portfolio have a toe tag?"

'It's always so sad when they repossess.'

'I'm glad the American Dream is still alive and well somewhere.'

Ernie, we're the first humans to set foot on Mars! This is so exciting! The whole world is watching! Whee! We need to do something for the history books. Woo hoo! Ernie, you're not appreciating the gravity of the situation. What gravity?!

Banking

If there are eclipses of the sun and eclipses of the moon, how come there are never any eclipses of the earth? Can we continue this tomorrow? It's getting dark.

Filibuster.

Have you been undressing me with your eyes? It's okay, I'm a doctor