Gladiatorial Giggler Pillows

'Relax...I heard our opponents today are huge pussies.'

Clown God

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

Get on with it!

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

Fancy a pint?

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

'It was this big. I swear'

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

'He's wearing a toupee.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

"Venice! What will climate change think of next?"

'You Have a food allergy. Even worse it's to 'O' type!'

'Whoops!'

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

"I can't create your bride until you make your co-pay."

Black Hole Corks

Astronaut with his Space Dog.

"Joe, you've got to stop singing 'Rocket Man.' Okay, how about 'Ground control to Major Tom'?"

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"

Drac, I gotta have a better office if I'm gonna market your Tomato Juice.

'They're evolving like mad -- You put in way too many cosmic rays!'

When suddenly the clouds parted and down came Jeez, a god appalled by how his name is used in vain.

The Big A** Theory