Gladiator Games Aficionado T-Shirts

"Well, it seems we've run out of condemned criminals and Christians. Do you think maybe we could keep the crowd happy if we tried throwing in some overly strident vegans?"

Why the Romans stopped serving alcohol at sporting events.

"No, the guy with the bat doesn't get to kill the guys with the mitts."

Rage.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

His family thought he'd been wasting his life, but Steve Wiebe was about to prove everyone wrong.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'Bloody streakers - they have a lot to learn.'

American Football.

Football.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Punishment for the kicker.

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

"Just a routine ID check, Mr. Spartacus - there are lots of people with the same name, you know."

Emperor Trump gives a thumbs down to a polar bear

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

Football Blockers.

"Are you not infotained?!!"

Roman Emperor using a glad-hand in an amphitheater

Another entry from the encyclopedia of gaming: Pixel sprain - any physical injury incurred from intense video game play.

Monster chariot races

Audiences at the coliseum were down after health and safety had paid a visit.

"I don't know where his dip in form came from."

'No exceptions, Caldwell! If you want to make this team, you've got to make it past my mother-in-law!'

'Oh, great. Leonard's got quarterback on his jersey. No amount of bleach is going to get THAT out.'

"Good news, you are virus free and should be able to resume hitting each other in the heads as hard as possible this fall."

You Don't Know What It's Like

"I think we should have used catapults before ground forces"

Emperor and cat.

"It just isn't the same without the fans."