Gladiator Games Aficionado T-Shirts

"Well, it seems we've run out of condemned criminals and Christians. Do you think maybe we could keep the crowd happy if we tried throwing in some overly strident vegans?"

Why the Romans stopped serving alcohol at sporting events.

"No, the guy with the bat doesn't get to kill the guys with the mitts."

Rage.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'Bloody streakers - they have a lot to learn.'

American Football.

Football.

Punishment for the kicker.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

"Just a routine ID check, Mr. Spartacus - there are lots of people with the same name, you know."

Emperor Trump gives a thumbs down to a polar bear

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

Football Blockers.

"Are you not infotained?!!"

Roman Emperor using a glad-hand in an amphitheater

Another entry from the encyclopedia of gaming: Pixel sprain - any physical injury incurred from intense video game play.

Audiences at the coliseum were down after health and safety had paid a visit.

Monster chariot races

Emperor and cat.

"It just isn't the same without the fans."

'No exceptions, Caldwell! If you want to make this team, you've got to make it past my mother-in-law!'

'Oh, great. Leonard's got quarterback on his jersey. No amount of bleach is going to get THAT out.'

"I think we should have used catapults before ground forces"

"Good news, you are virus free and should be able to resume hitting each other in the heads as hard as possible this fall."

"I don't know where his dip in form came from."

'Better put this on. . . health and safety.'

"You'll get a lot of head injuries but, on the plus side, you won't remember any of them."