Gig Economy Humorist Gifts

"Everyone's waiting to have babies, so I had to pick up a side gig."

"I heard about your new job . . . congratulations!"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"I'm pretty sure my self-driving car is moonlighting for Uber behind my back."

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Trickledown economics

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

Office of economic forecasting.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'We buy and sell them.'

Working one day a year doesn't pay the bills

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

We've been pre-approved by the credit card company to give them a loan.

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.

Government Handouts.

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

First Market Decline

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pigeons have a salary that goes with the job!"

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

Thanks to his stocks, Bob now lives in the middle of a great green garden outside the crowded city.