Gift Shopping Gifts

Santa's workshop

"Things are crazy right now. Let me get back to you after the holidays."

'The complimentary herbal tea is around the corner. You're drinking the potpourri.'

'I don't know - it's so difficult shopping for a friend!'

'My husband wants to see your most expensive diamonds.'

'Have you got a matching pair of incontinence pants?'

"What do you get the person who wants everything?"

"My missus is expecting me to bring home some duty-frees!"

'I want some that are past their best for her fiftieth birthday.'

'Dad, I found this funy video in the gift shop. It's your surgeon's 'Operating Room Blunders, Bloopers, and Bleepers'!'

'If you can't think of anything nice to say, how about a gift certificate?'

Christmas Present List

'My wife needs a bra, but I don't know the size. . . That reminds me, she needs panties too.'

"I need to buy a really good bottle of wine, as a gift, and I know absolutely nothing about wine. Can you recommend one?"

"...or, if you're willing to spend a little more, we can arrange a nice, neat takeover."

"This is the perfect Christmas present for a wife to give to a lazy husband!"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Killer Executive Suits.

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

Handbag store - "Perfect."