Gift Grinch Pillows

Days of Christmas.

Beach con-man.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Things I've learned...

Santa called but you were out!

'I hate all holidays!'

It's a busy mother's day down there! The glucose molecule got his mom a box of sweets, the histamine brought flowers ... A sodium atom got bath salts, and the genes had a family portrait taken. Frank, the neuron didn't get a gift for his mother. No, he didn't but he always sends a nice message!

"Now that's a great number if you want to be protected from the entire environment."

Regifts of the Magi

C'mon, help me out! Which rock do you think my kids would like better?

Valentines Day truck

Mother using candy cane to pull son away from toy window.

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"Code blue! Code blue! His heart's grown three times it's size!"

"I'm sorry, but until you tell me what you do want for Christmas, you'll keep on getting cats."

'What can you suggest for a young lady who thinks she has everything?'

"Merry Christmas. You Cheerful, Chirpring, Cheeping, Tweeting, Tw*ttering, Twittering Tw*t!"

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

Gift Ideas. What I get for a man who already has everything? Insurance!

"Do you have all those things in stock?"

"Just tell us what wedding gifts you want and we stuff the appropriate advertising flyers in with the invitation."

Santa carrying a sack full of mail

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

'It the thought that counts.'

Ralph Waldo Emerson

'Ms Phelps, can you help me? I seem to have misplaced my Christmas spirit.'

"How much of a gratuity does Santa usually get?"

A man goes insane from receiving too many ties.

"Oh honey, a chum necklace! How thoughtful!"

Christmas postie!

Three Shopping Days Until the Bills Arrive.