Gift-giving Strategist T-Shirts

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

'...just wait until you see the rest of the stuff I have for you.'

"I would have thought it OBVIOUS that when I said I didn't want ANYTHING I obviously MEANT that I wanted the diamond ring I showed you!"

"If you don't like it you can always use it as another example of how I have no idea who you really are."

"Oh darling!...A clone of yourself...how lovely."

"What do you get a man who has everything?"

'Extortion...never. My associates and I prefer to think of these Christmas presents as an insurance policy...'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

'You said you wanted catalogue gifts.'

"He's your rich uncle. What do you buy the caveman who's hunted and gathered everything?"

"Honey, this year I've got you the perfect gift! five ice-cold beers! Happy Birthday!"

"It can't be too sexy or she'll think I've done something wrong!"

Nothing Personal: Gifts for your business adversaries.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

CEO.

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Tipping Pain Chart

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'Please enter your pin now.'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

On the fifth day, Neville opts for jewelry.

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

The Re-Giving Tree

'Wait until you see what you got me!'

"Read the card! Read the card!"

Christmas Dwarves

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"I'm not giving up the present till I see the party bag."

'I hope you came with a receipt.'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

"I see many gifts. They say do not open till Christmas."

Christmas escape plan