Gift-giving Puzzler T-Shirts

"Mom told me I can't give you any more tools for Father's Day, Birthday or Christmas."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

Cheeze Wiz.

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

Easter Island Cheeseheads

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Ball as water-melon.

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

How Amazon was invented

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Where Deviled Eggs come from

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Kissing the Fish

Balloon dog poos.

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

'Head down...eye on the ball...'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"Roadkill cookies"

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Santa's Helpers

Rent a Room With Hot Water

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

A baby using a heavy duty drill