Gift-giving Puzzler Gifts

"Mom told me I can't give you any more tools for Father's Day, Birthday or Christmas."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

Easter Island Cheeseheads

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

Ball as water-melon.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

How Amazon was invented

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Where Deviled Eggs come from

Kissing the Fish

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Balloon dog poos.

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Roadkill cookies"

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

Santa's Helpers

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Rent a Room With Hot Water

A baby using a heavy duty drill