Gift Giver With A Twist Gifts

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

"Acme pogo stick"

Christmas present.

"Happy birthday!"

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

"I got a watch of sorts when I retired...they gave me the old security camera I sat beneath for 20 years."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

celebrating a birth.

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

Christmas Presents.

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

Love.

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

Tipping Pain Chart

Birthday Racing Car

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Valentines Balloons

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'And that,and that,and that...'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'Aha! You can tell Dottie and the kids I didn't forget their presents!'

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'