Gift Gambler Gifts

'It's just not your lucky night I guess - saaaay, hows about we deal fer what's in the sack big guy?!'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"What do you recommend today?"

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

Doctor's poker.

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

Can you guess what it is yet?

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

'I'm going to refer you to a doctor. You seem to have developed immunity to winning stocks.'

'You might try the chef's surprise, if you're a real daredevil.'

"Let's flip for it, heads I win, tails, you lose."

"I got the idea from a pair of dice."

'Well, Dad said he'd take me to the zoo, but the only animals were horses running around a track!'

"Rats! It's already tenderized."

Bought Low, Sold Lower.

"Don't get exited Tommy, it isn't an A. I was just trying to get my pen to work, it's a D minus as usual."

'Twas the night after Christmas.

"I'm afraid you can't speak to the Chef at the moment, sir. He's out, buying you a, 'get well soon' card."

'Double or nothing on the second opinion, Doc?'

'Whoever's guess is closest to the time when the last needle falls off the tree wins the hundred-dollar pool!'

Do I get partial credit?

'We've had our starter and to follow we'd like to order an ambulance!'

The Las Vegas Oddsmakers

REPORT CARD, 'Maybe it got garbled in transmission.'

A child pulls the lever of a machine that is combination of both a slot machine and a gumball machine.

"How long have you been wasting our money on lottery tickets?"

Bet and Breakfast.

"The DOW will reach 100,000. What else do you want to hear?"

'It's a fight between me and the world,' - 'I'll have a twenty on the world,'