Giant Spider Surprise Gifts

"You didn't believe her when she said there was a giant spider in the bathtub, did you?"

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

Swiss army knife

Extreme Bungy

Dr, Wagner's dental floss spider web made going to the dentist much more appealing to kids,

Musical Web

Idle parts

Bird Bath.

'Sure, but will you still love me when I bite off your head and eat it?'

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

Want the wings as an appetizer?

Spider's Web Trampoline

OMG UR HOT

'Did spiders invent bungee jumping, Dad?'

"I won't bring any more friends home unless you let me play with them first!"

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

"Ooh don't stop Bob, the last time you ran your fingers through my hair like this was on our wedding night!"

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

'Bernice . . . could you come in here please? Bring a can of hairspray and a cigarette lighter!'

Fly Tightrope walker

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'Reserved' (presumably for little miss muffet)

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

'Why did he cut the chicane - the giant spider isn't on the track, he's on our screen.'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

Spider watching his web cam.

'I want to know where this relationship is going.'

'I'm just surfing the web.'

"Arachnophunnies"

'You've been drinking again.'

"Really Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!"

"The dating scene is alright for you, female worms are everywhere! But when was the last time you saw a mummy-long-legs?"

"It's good it's not windy. . . it makes it easier to catch flies."