Getting A New Passport Pillows

'This photo looks nothing like you. Close your eyes and screw your face up a bit...!'

Passport Control.

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

Networking

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

Rock - see you in a million years!

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Are you done yet?'

"Don't you worry about me. I always land on my feet."

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

"When we said we'd build 'affordable' homes we had a particular buyer in mind."

Real Estate Personals

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Painting the portrait of a weight lifter.

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We took a look at our passport pictures and realized we need a vacation.'

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

"Try not to think of it as a box, but rather as an environmentally neutral, biodegradable, single person unit of accommodation!"

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'The Dow has shot up 2.5% on positive data on housing - until five minutes from now, when it'll be interpreted differently.'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'It's all about location, location, location!'

Home Foreclosed Home.

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

'Oh no! We're in negative equity.'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

Turtle Home

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

Those who fail to learn from the past will be forced to relive it.