Get-rich-quick Strategist T-Shirts

"I'm keeping it really simple!"

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

Mountain Tops Incorporated

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'I've crunched the numbers and you can afford to increase my allowance by 15.5%.'

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

"The secret is to ask yourself: what would someone who's successful do?"

"We have a goal wrapped in a plan, and served on a bed of success."

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

Businessman at the deep end.

'If you want to be a great success, get yourself huge wads of money.'

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

'You say you want to speak to me about a raise?'

'I realize money can't buy happiness, so I'm just trying to improve the exchange rate.'

Dialed the number, ordered the tapes and placed hundreds of little ads. Didn't hit a snag until step four: Just sit back and rake it in.

"We thought we could put in the details later."

Climbing the mountain up towards business opportunities.

Yes, I am slow, but my life expectancy is way longer than yours, so I can still achieve a lot in life...

"But am I happy? Very."

'My competitor down the street sasses his parents.'

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

'Whoever said 'taking part is better than winning' was certainly a loser...'

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

"I gotta go. I see an opening in the maelstrom."

Feeding at the Trough

"If he could put a horse up his sleeve, he'd probably win at that too."

Zen Wall Street.

"This morning, I looked into the mirror and said to myself, 'Bruce, you're a billionaire. It's time to stop horsing around and enjoy life a little.' "