Gershwin Fan Gifts

Paris, 1922, George Gershwin and Franz Kafka try to write a musical.

"I like a Gershwin tune. How about you?"

Rhapsody in Blue.

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

The rock caricature

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"Feel my claw of death!"

'I hate all holidays!'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"It'll take three wishes to get less cream cheese on your bagels in New York."

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

Ginger God

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Taking control of his opponent, Darren quickly slapped some deodorant on him.

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

"To meet the girl of your dreams, swipe right on the lamp."

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

Two champagne bottles fight in a headlock

"I'm gonna twist you like a balloon animal."

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

Man reads from card at awards ceremony: 'And the award for Best Actress goes to ...'

Huckleberry Finn, M.D.