Germ-conscious Worshipper Pillows

'Don't worry it's safe, the baptismal is filled with hand sanitizer."

"Mulch madness"

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

"Yes, I have allergies! Hundreds! Because my crazy mother kept me in a germ-free house with no pets and I developed zero immunities!"

'This should increase our business.'

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

Wendel maps his trip to the germaphobe society headquarters.

"Are they organic?"

"What've you got that's good for vegans?"

Typical Viral Coversation - "So many people so little time."

'Has the font been swabbed for MRSA'

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

'Me? I'm trying to stay one step ahead of white corpuscles and antibiotics.'

Covid Games

Hand Sanitisers

"Wait – did you wash your hands?"

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

'Good evening, ladies and germs.'

'The invitation says casual but of course you don't do casual do you.'

"Hey, buddy, can I bum a slip."

"Ummm, thanks, but I'm good."

"Do you know how unsanitary double-dipping is?"

"I don't shake hands during flu season. Just scan my QR code."

'Why are you using a tooth paste that relieves itching and burning while it shrinks swollen membranes?'

"This is the loneliest place on earth during Thanksgiving."

"Geoffrey's joined a Lack of Personality cult."

'Yes, but Mum says don't lent it to anyone. Sniff, sniff.'

Meet the candidate...VOTE YOMP: 'Forgive me if I don't shake hands- germs, you know!'

"What do you say we get out of here and go someplace less contagious?"

"...I'd like my piece of cake removed before the birthday boy blows his germs all over it."