Germ-conscious Pet Owner Pillows

Man on exercise bike with dog on treadmill

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

Dog fetches dice

"I know they're treating you kindly but are they treating you ethically?"

"He was a sea rescue."

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"That dog training school we sent him to was all they said it would be!"

'Have you put her on the strict diet I prescribed?'

Dogs with alcohol collars.

Timmys Pet Ostrich

Gavin sends his Pet Rock to a rock concert.

'And how long do you think you may have had OCD?'

"We agree - 3 words you don't want to hear from the vet - fleas, shots, and diet."

'Don't worry it's safe, the baptismal is filled with hand sanitizer."

'The animal psychiatrist said don't bother him with dog things- he doesn't know he's a dog!'

'I told you it was a stupid idea getting a pet lemming.'

An advantage of robotic pets.

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

'No No Colin! - we don't wrap Gerbils!'

"He's more of a shoulder dog than a lap dog."

'His previous owner was a personal-injury lawyer, which explains why he will play dead, but I can't get him to speak.'

Pet cat brings down a dinosaur

'I'm training him to be a scientific advisor.'

"I ran out of space for tattoos so I've started on the dog."

Cultivated Meat Pet Food Lab

Cat dons scuba gear to go after fish in aquarium.

'It's not often you see an eskimo dog in the burbs!'

'Hey, Fred -- want to see a stupid pet trick?'

Punk walking a dog, lead is attached to his own dog collar.

"Why's your cat called Cheap Loo Paper?"

"What's this? A hypoallergenic hair?"

"Hold on – you don't know whose paws have touched that butter board."

'Fully house trained, is it?'