Germ-conscious Pet Owner T-Shirts

How to tell that it's Howie Mandel's dog you're dealing with.

Man on exercise bike with dog on treadmill

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

Dog fetches dice

"I know they're treating you kindly but are they treating you ethically?"

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

"He was a sea rescue."

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"That dog training school we sent him to was all they said it would be!"

'Have you put her on the strict diet I prescribed?'

"We agree - 3 words you don't want to hear from the vet - fleas, shots, and diet."

Dogs with alcohol collars.

Timmys Pet Ostrich

'And how long do you think you may have had OCD?'

Gavin sends his Pet Rock to a rock concert.

'Don't worry it's safe, the baptismal is filled with hand sanitizer."

An advantage of robotic pets.

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

'The animal psychiatrist said don't bother him with dog things- he doesn't know he's a dog!'

'I told you it was a stupid idea getting a pet lemming.'

'No No Colin! - we don't wrap Gerbils!'

"He's more of a shoulder dog than a lap dog."

'It's not often you see an eskimo dog in the burbs!'

'His previous owner was a personal-injury lawyer, which explains why he will play dead, but I can't get him to speak.'

'Hey, Fred -- want to see a stupid pet trick?'

Cat dons scuba gear to go after fish in aquarium.

'I'm training him to be a scientific advisor.'

"I ran out of space for tattoos so I've started on the dog."

Cultivated Meat Pet Food Lab

Pet cat brings down a dinosaur

Punk walking a dog, lead is attached to his own dog collar.

'Fully house trained, is it?'

"Hold on – you don't know whose paws have touched that butter board."

"What's this? A hypoallergenic hair?"