Comedically Inclined Pet Owner Pillows

'If you insist on feeding your dog table scraps, fine...'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

"What fly?"

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"It's time to end the suffering."

'I'm beginning to see some change in you.'

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

'Do you have to do that every time?'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

Clown Firing Squad.

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

"You're not a bad dog for driving. You're a bad dog for not wearing a seat belt."

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

Devils in hell bang on the ceiling as the angels upstairs are being too noisy.

'Achoo! I can't believe I'm allergic to sand. I bet this doesn't end well...'

'Aaaaaah! Kenny's fallen in! Don't make eye contact! Play dead, Kenny! Play dead!'

'Dr Phil sez, if I'm gittin' the milk for free, I should do the right thing and marry her!'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'