Genius Moments Gifts

'I think your father's had one of his big ideas...'

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

"You're a genius, Shaw. This is an idea whose copyright has expired."

The Proust of Twitter

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Babies first words are 'Take me to your leader'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

It was then that Cervantes was inspired.

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

"No, I don't think I have a book in me. I think I have a chicken in me."

'None of the questions deserved an answer.'

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

"I hear it's because we're right and they're wrong."

Writer's Block Party

The central metaphor of her novel was a fly.

"I feel bad about Nora Ephron's neck."

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"See - that's how he's able to write all those plays."

T. S. Eliot

Scientist exclaims; 'At last! I have created artifical life!' But the rest of his team are busy watching Big Brother.

Two words, boss: Virtual reality. We glue virtual reality goggles to our coffee mugs. Come again? When patrons sip their Himalayan mochas, they'll think they're dangling from a cliff in the Himalayan mountains. People will come from Miles around! People will throw up for miles around. We'll give patrons mops that double as virtual reality hockey sticks. This conversation is virtually over.

"Our marketing budget has become a black hole."

Madonna

"How's this? 'Quoth the Raven, Nevermore, unquoth.' "

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

"If you were truly blessed by genius, it wouldn't end there, believe you me!"

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

'Stop staring at me!!!'

"My organization will ALSO be focusing on this section here."

'I like Haffner's idea better...if we get caught, his idea is good for only six months in the slammer. Your idea is good for five to ten years.'