Generational Wealth Pillows

"Of course you can have some help from the bank of mum and dad, just as soon as we've had a word with the bank of grandma and grandad."

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"Nice haircut."

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

How Grandma Sees the Remote

'Beware of the teenager.'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"We added it just for the millenials."

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

"Gramps, you were alive before everyone knew what you were doing on social media... What was that called?" "Bliss!"

"How come they remember every word of any pop song but not a single line of poetry?"

Fred Philpot, Born 1944.

"Generation X, Y or Z? No idea. My brat is Generation SLSLWMAF - Stinkin' Lazy, Still Living with Mom at Forty."

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Someday when you have children of your own, you’ll understand why I dress you like ‘an idiot.’"

Millennials in the Year 2050...

'...and so begins the generation gap.'

The Ageing Process.

"Thank you for your service."

"It's the Silicon Valley foundation - they want to know if we'll match our grandson's $100 million donation."

T-shirts read: 'Rock against racism' ; 'Classical against antisocial behaviour'

"Google says it's some form of ancient timing device."

"Dad, how does the outdoors work without batteries?"

"It's a cereal box. It's not supposed to be interactive!"

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

When I was your age, I had to walk five miles through snow to skip school.

"How long do you think it'll take before he realizes I took his phone away?"

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

"Too bad we only see each other when we're hungry! I know! Let's go on a date, a real date!"

"My Dad keeps playing the awful originals to my remixes."

"My dad and I are trading important life skills. He's teaching me how to change the oil in the car."

Contest time. Mort and Sadie, our ornery octogenarians, have decided to rename Rudy's generation. Mort favors Generation I - for impatient. Sadie prefers Generation V - for virtual. Or vapid! What do you think? Please send your own ideas to asksadieshow@gmail.com. C'mon people, get thinkin'!

"No, grandpa...LGBT is not some new kind of bacon, lettuce and tomato snadwich."