Generational Gap Gifts

"Oh god, he's going for the jukebox!"

'Well, I find it intimidating. I mean, any minute they could fall down completely!'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"I think my parents are pretty old. They remember a time before 'clumping' cat litter."

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

"We added it just for the millenials."

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

"When I was your age, all we had to know was how to wind."

"My grandson said I was "woke" but I'm 90% certain I didn't even nod off"

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

"I'm your hip replacement."

"We invented your hair."

'I suppose you think you're better than your parents, mister I-Can-Walk-Upright?!'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

'...and so begins the generation gap.'

"A raise?! In my day, if we needed more money, we just borrowed it."

"Never ask Dad about technology. He thinks a semiconductor is someone who leads the Boston Pops for half a year."

'They're not reliable.'

"Grandpa, what was it like living off the grid for most of your life?"

'I checked that birds and bees stuff on the internet, Dad -- it says you're full of baloney.'

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

"Don't pay attention to my granddad. He's an old pilot and always calls us 'taildraggers.'"

"I'm working on texting my memoirs."

"That's lovely, dear. Give me a heads-up when manners and intelligence get a little closer."

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'