Generation Z Satirist Gifts

Whatever stamps

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

Snowman Driver

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"'Burned out,' Parker?- I wasn't aware you ever even 'caught fire.'"

"Are you one of these youngsters who has a very short attention span?"

"In my day I played a pretty mean cowbell."

When it comes to texting, she's all thumbs.'

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"If I hear the word ‘mindfulness’ one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it."

Fakebook

Breakfast at Universities

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

"It's actually an ink stain but my wife has grown quite fond of it."

'I'm just updating my Facebook profile.'

'What's the antidote for espresso?'

'It's the new guidance counselor. He's lost.'

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."

Did you get my "friend request"?