Generation Jokester Pillows

'Yes, it's true, my grandpa is only a year older than me...'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'Tax man practical joker sticks sign on colleague's back which reads; Tax me.'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'Okay, okay! You can have a lick of my sucker.'

Printout in a genetics laboratory forming dna double helix

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'