Genealogy Geek Pillows

'I warned you, Oedipus, not everybody likes what they find when tracing their family tree.'

"Paying for a DNA test will be worth it if I find better relatives."

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'They found your gene for anti-social behavior, but they're still looking for he one for robbing liquor stores.'

Man at desk researching through papers.

They couldn't tell me anything about my genetic father.. Apart from the fact that he'd been a frequent donor!

Family Money - "I've been working on your family tree!"

'Yeah, they're a bit big, but it's a family trait I'm proud of: My grandfather was 'Dumbo'!'

Welsh airport arrivals.

You could be a Medici!

Genetically-engineered family tree.

'I'm sorry, but we only do people.'

The cost is determined by how far back you want us to search.

"Your genes may be responsible for your way to going but I'm thinking that the four cheeseburgers you may have for breakfast might be a factor."

'What an interesting accent? Is it Norwegian? Have you tried finding your roots?'

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

"Whoa! Turns out you're sixty-four percent douchebag, Kyle."

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

How Moms explain.

It's hardly a claim to fame: Most of us have had ancestors killed by Buffalo Bill...

"Our ancestors used all the hair genes."

'I started a family tree too, but I gave it up fairly quickly: Way too many relatives...'

"And this document shows your great-great-great grandfather being abandoned in the forest with his sister by his poor woodcutter father."

"This is your great-great-great-great grandfather Felipe. If he was alive, he'd be a very famous man."

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"My birth mother? I've given up looking."

'You've gotta be kidding.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

An family approaches the entrance to a park with a banner saying "Welcome to the Cooper family reunion"; a nearby van has a sign that reads "DNA verification required before entering grounds".

"Prepare yourself for a shock. The birth records reveal you have a twin brother."

"The test results indicate you're the descendant of a parade float."

"The results of our genetic testing have come in, and it appears you may share some DNA with the people of – get this – Easter Island."

"I just did '23 and me'... and like, I kid you not, we might be related."

'Fluffy is the great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great grandson of my first cat,'