Gender Equality Warriors Gifts

"We're after someone with exactly these outstanding qualifications...only in a man!"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

The Working Woman's Magazine

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

All Hail the Matriarchy

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

His Hers Pers Vis Xyrs Hirs TBD

"And to think all these years you've worried about some boy wonder taking over your job."

'We used to be a patriarchy, but lately we've been more goddess-centric.'

'...she still can't manage a decent sports metaphor.'

'I don't get it, Victoria. . . why are men in control of everything?'

"You take care of the kids, you do the housework and you have a full-time job for which you warn less than a man who does the same? Respect... I can only fly and knock down scoundrels..."

'When you look at me do you see a woman or a senior partner?'

Men Win Again

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

"We don't pay you less because you're a woman.. we pay you less because we're men!"

"Remember, you can do ANYTHING...but for only 80 cents to every dollar earned by a man."

'You want a nurse present? -- Are you discriminating against me because of my gender?'

'Yes, it has the organs of both sexes. . . a penis and a brain.'

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

Tucker Ratings Gold

"No, Mr. Kurlander, I don't have, nor have I ever had, a recipe for cranberry muffins."

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"You'll go far...you think like a man..."

'A woman obsetrician! What do women know about that sort of thing?'

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"But we've been interviewing like this for years...why would we want to change now?"