Gemini Guru Pillows

'I'd like to see you again, but our signs aren't compatible. I'm a Gemini and you're an idiot.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

On the back of the t-shirt...

Muscles

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Exercise Class

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

At the 2021 Religious Games

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

The trim reaper

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"Feel my claw of death!"

'What are you eating now?'

Guru.

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"I exercised so much during my first pregnancy that the baby was born with athlete's foot."

"That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again."

'Can you take the lid off this jar for me...?'

Holiday Aerobics.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"When will you be starting building work on the lower body?"

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

'I want a brain, but I'd settle for buns of steel!'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'It says for best work out to dismantle and reassemble.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"