Gearhead Gifts

"Gracie, just because you understand internal combustion engines...doesn't mean you can drive."

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

Well, the car's computer say it's YOU who won't start, runs rough, and back fires on acceleration.

'Well, for starters, I think it's about time for an alignment job.'

"I'm getting this irritating little 'tap, tap' sound somewhere behind the dashboard."

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making you Torque.'

'The only service I could give this would be a funeral service.'

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

'Don't bother rotating the tires. They rotated on their own all the way here.'

"I'm having a little difficulty adjusting. The last place I worked was a lot bigger."

"Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?"

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

A vintage car being fixed by a mechanic underneath.

'Well, THERE'S your problem.'

'First of all, it didn't malfunction, it broke. Never waste a $20 word on a $2 car.'

'I certainly hope it doesn't take me as long to pay the bill as it did for you to get the part.'

'We'll have to check your car for pre-existing conditions.'

'It's an American classic, with parts from Japan and Canada and assembled in Mexico.'

Say ahhhh.

'Just as we finally get the industrial revolution down pat, we find ourselves in the middle of the electronic revolution.'

'This baby can do zero to sixty in four seconds flat!!'

His attitude is 'if it ain't broke, fix it anyway'.

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

'In a real car, it's called a gear shift, not a joystick.'

'She does about a hour on a full wind up.'

'This is more than the estimate.'

Smart Cars for Dummies.

Car Mechanic Funerals.

"How deep are those pockets?"

'Hi Terry. Quick question about that new gearbox you put in my Polo last week.'

'Here's your estimate. Still think it's a funny noise?'

'He was a darn fine mechanic.'

'The doctors just install the artificial heart. We at Al's garage do the maintenance.'

'Well, it wasn't the motor -- I'll try replacing the other stuff.'

"This baby can take you from zero to cardiac arrest in 60 seconds!"