Gearhead Prints

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

"Gracie, just because you understand internal combustion engines...doesn't mean you can drive."

Well, the car's computer say it's YOU who won't start, runs rough, and back fires on acceleration.

'Well, for starters, I think it's about time for an alignment job.'

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making you Torque.'

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

'The only service I could give this would be a funeral service.'

"I'm having a little difficulty adjusting. The last place I worked was a lot bigger."

'Don't bother rotating the tires. They rotated on their own all the way here.'

"Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?"

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

'Well, THERE'S your problem.'

A vintage car being fixed by a mechanic underneath.

'It's an American classic, with parts from Japan and Canada and assembled in Mexico.'

'We'll have to check your car for pre-existing conditions.'

'First of all, it didn't malfunction, it broke. Never waste a $20 word on a $2 car.'

'I certainly hope it doesn't take me as long to pay the bill as it did for you to get the part.'

'Just as we finally get the industrial revolution down pat, we find ourselves in the middle of the electronic revolution.'

His attitude is 'if it ain't broke, fix it anyway'.

'This baby can do zero to sixty in four seconds flat!!'

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

Say ahhhh.

"I wouldn't worry about it -- this is marketing's headache."

'Here's your estimate. Still think it's a funny noise?'

"How deep are those pockets?"

A Hunter on a Mechanical Horse.

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'She does about a hour on a full wind up.'

Car Dentistry.

"This baby can take you from zero to cardiac arrest in 60 seconds!"

'This is more than the estimate.'

'In a real car, it's called a gear shift, not a joystick.'

'The doctors just install the artificial heart. We at Al's garage do the maintenance.'

'No offense, but after building that bike for over three years, I thought you would've made better progress.'

'Well, it wasn't the motor -- I'll try replacing the other stuff.'