Gastronomy Professional Gifts

"I was neither rude, nor arrogant, nor disinterested. I apologize, it will never happen again, monsieur."

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

View to the Future

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Important Food Groups

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"This is our soft opening."

Before/After

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"