Gastronomy Professional Gifts

"I was neither rude, nor arrogant, nor disinterested. I apologize, it will never happen again, monsieur."

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

La Table

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

View to the Future

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Before/After

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"This is our soft opening."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

Menu Dating

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."