Gastronomy Lovers Gifts

'All our family's creativity is channelled into finding ways to gain weight.

Come dine with me!

'Your French dip, sir.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"We're odd looking but just as good."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

Before/After

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Party time.

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair

'Pepperoni: Muse of Pizza'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"Your meal sounded nice."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

You're the sizzle in my roast!

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'I hope you all like stuffing.'