Gastronomy Gazer Gifts

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

Before/After

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

"How's the salmon?"

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

Happy hour.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"Carpe pizza"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I'm unable to process this image."

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'