Gastronomic Jester T-Shirts

"... Would I like a 'doggie bag'?... No, thanks. But, you could bring me a 'sick bag'."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"You owe me five bucks."

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Husband bakes a pie

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"Gigot de sept heures."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'He's all eyes!'

"More helium."

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

'The recipe said to simmer uncovered!'

A man flips a pancake onto a child's head

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

"Just how rare is this steak..."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

Spaghetti Mummy

'Purpose of visit?'

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

Middle Age Spread.

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

Ernie's the person who put the "quiz" in cuisine.

'Hoopla!'

'Don't give me that 'hairball' excuse again. Just admit it - you don't like my cooking!'

'Whatever fast food - fried stuff, fat, sugar, salt for the 'Doesn't Bother Me' person'.