Gas Market Guru Gifts

The five inhospitable gas giants

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

Business is off the chart.

"Ahh...He's got wind"

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

Ethanol and foreign oil.

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

Oil shock.

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

'How many miles to the gallon?'

I think I can...

Didn't know as much about the market as I thought I did.

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

The Hypocrite - So Why Can't Someone Do Something About High Gas Prices?

"The equities markets loves me, the equities markets love me not. . ."

"I be feelin' a mighty hot wind..."

'Price at the pumps.' 'Glass of wine then?'

'Turn right at the first $4.09 unleaded, then a hang a left at $4.03 unleaded, and over the bridge, past the $4.01 unleaded...'

'Our company's philosophy is thus. Our idealists develop ideas. Internal realists then turn these ideas into products. Finally, external realists devise pretexts for consumers to buy these products.'

"Now, as a general rule, it's unwise to have one's assets split evenly between stocks and lottery tickets."

Farmer Problems

'Today the word on the street was 'Beam me up Scotty'.'

"The bull market has peaked! The bull market has peaked!"

Spin for Oil.

'I haven't paid four dollars a gallon since I bought that swamp land in Florida.'

'I'm going to recommend the stock of an Internet company that is so far ahead of the curve, it's working on Web 10.0.'

'At a conservative estimate, there's five billion gallons of shale gas under your lower molars.'

'My mom's a professional stock trader. Don't let the martini and cigar fool 'ya, she's all woman.'

"Our City Analyst is forecasting inflation, is on the way back - and his fee proves it."

We have tumultuous stocks for tumultuous times."

'I didn't know the market had dropped that low!'

Losing Money on Gas.

Helium Parachute