Garden Tactician Gifts

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'You want me to run things by you, dear?'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

Do you want to win the game or my business?

When cockroaches go unchecked.

"But mom, all you said was 'get all your stuff up off the floor!' "

I rule by fear.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

'this is the only place where no one is fooling around with the genes.'

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

"It has come to my attention that there's a traitor in our midst."

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,

Office De-cluttering

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

"Isn't it about time you tidied up around here...?"

Kangaroo to upside down joey: 'Once again your room is in total disarray!'

Stone Age

'Those artificial flowers look so lifelike it's unusual.'

'Check you house for termites, Lady?'

They're inflatable trade barriers!

'We're a coalition force, ref.'

Helms Burton Titulo III

"I'm adding the laundry room and kitchen to your GPS. Judging by all the clothes and dishes in your room, you don't know the locations."

What happened to your market share? Let me peel the 'Made In China' sticker off my new crystal ball and I'll tell you.

Moon Vacuuming

Teddy! Clean up your room! Twig! Time to empty the dishwasher. Apparently they're not voice-activated.

Gardening section in shop: Grow stuff or kill stuff.

Modi visits France

Wall Street: Money Never Weeps

US Imports and Exports

Tariffs on Canada