Game Guardian Pillows

'Don't hide anywhere I can't see you!'

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 9.

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"... and what’s even worse – I spilled my beer!"

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

Dog retriving Frisbee

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'I see it. You're supposed to get it!'

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"