Game Guardian Pillows

'Don't hide anywhere I can't see you!'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 9.

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

"... and what’s even worse – I spilled my beer!"

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

Beaver tower

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

Dog retriving Frisbee

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'I see it. You're supposed to get it!'

'We'll have him back on his feet and under yours in no time!'

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."