Gambling Satire Fan Gifts

"No, it's not some new wearable tech."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Non-Power Breakfast

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

Scapegoat of the Year

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"It's a swearbox."

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

"Already sold your soul to the company? Listen, I'll have my people talk to their people."

'You'll never succeed until the kissing up becomes instinctual.'

Greek Crisis

Death Boss

"We feel you're over analyzing things a bit too much."

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

'Your ambiguities are impeccable, young man - just what our department needs.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

Golden bubbles

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Dorothy and Toto use their special talents to rapidly ascend the corporate ladder.

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"The dip in sales seems to coincide with the decision to eliminate sales staff."

'Any chance you can bite him yourself? I've really got a lot on my dish right now.'