Galactic Gag Lover Pillows

"I love it when they come with warning labels."

"Well that's just great!! Five years looking for new life and civilizations and all we find is that space is just a giant vacuum!!"

Save Our Universe

Man see a sign on door of Clayton's Jokes & Gags Shopee - 'Please Use Second Door To The Right'

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'

'YAY! PATE!'

"I wonder what he dreams about...Squirrels I bet."

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

"I'm in for observation."

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'

The monster was surprised to receive a medical bill from Dr. Frankenstein.

'Admit it you need glasses, that is my false eyelash you have just sprayed.'

"Is it working?"

The Fart Side

'My first drink since my accident.'

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

'Methane Happens.'

"Apparently, this is his 'great lost masterpiece...'"

My uncle was a world-famous chainsaw juggler. For one show.

"Being God just doesn't pay as much as you'd think it would."

'So much for his new glasses...he didn't see that coming'

"In space, there is no sound. Except those - we can still hear those @#%* things."

'Deploy the Candarm and ready the Canafinger.'

Florida Wildlife Today's Featured Species is the Old Goat

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

'This is great. A fruit you can eat, drink and wash your ears with.'

'Tell me more about this strange man...'

'No thanks - When I finish this drink I'm going straight to hell.'

1909 - Pablo Picasso started wearing contact lenses but would never admit they were useless.

Potato-ade - unleash the awesome power of the potato!