Galactic Accountant Pillows

Branson space shot

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

'You just can't win. I'm getting charged a ridiculous service fee, since we're in an outer stellar market, using a non-galaxy ATM machine!'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'I invest in emerging markets.'

Tax Preparer. I'm working on my client's tax returns. Mars, being the "red planet," is claiming a business operating loss. Jupiter, with all those moons, takes deductions for almost 70 dependents. And earth has no new nations this year ... so no "capitol gains" to declare. Did Mercury lower his taxes? Yeah, he's eligible for a huge solar energy tax credit!

"The first bill is always a shock-everyone thinks Heaven will be free."

'What, you again? And you'll want credit as usual, I suppose!'

'Bad news, fellas... it's inventory time.'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

Rhinestone Accountant

'Put the teeth away. I'm the Audit Fairy.'

"It's from the IRS. They demand full disclosure of all treasures laid up here."

"Be careful - these things have consequences. Tax consequences."

Eternal Revenue Service. Now I understand why you can't take it with you.

'WHAT??! 3.695.897 euro for the pizza delivery service??!'

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

"Sin tax? I love it."

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

"I'm their accountant. Trust me - I'm the one you want to get lucky with."

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

Deep in his heart James the accountant was an artist. Sometimes when he was alone in his office, he worked the keyboard like a pianist playing the Goldberg variations.

'I see you've laid up for yourselves treasures in heaven. Is this some sort of tax dodge?'

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

IRS - 'You had NO earned income last year?', 'That's what my boss said.'

'Apparently it's no longer cost effective.'

'I don't want to fight the evil Emperor of the Galaxy! †I want to do my taxes!'

"I look after her tax affairs for �1,000 - she wanted �2,000 but that's all I could afford."

"What do you mean, it's not tax deductible?!"

"Cancel the invasion...It's like the earthling sucks all the power out of the spaceship!"

'Forget the early withdrawal penalty. What I'm taking out, I didn't put in!'